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I haven't eaten in days because we have roaches

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Posted by Samantha on 2:42:28 6/13/2016 from

Ok so this probably sounds extreme, but I literally can't find anything online that disproves my fears. We recently seen a couple of bugs here and there. I have a medical condition that causes me to be up literally all night (until 7-8am) and I finally got a good enough look at one in the bathroom to try and find out what we were dealing with. It was my biggest fear, a roach (German). I immediately got online and starting looking for products to buy to get this under control asap. I ordered advion roach gel. I didn't see anymore for a few days, and I was still in shock that this could possibly be happening to me, so I didn't use it right away. And for those couple of days the constant panic and thinking I was seeing them everywhere out of the corner of my eye, & literally being paralyzed with fear was pushed to the back of my mind. (I do have PTSD, and severe anxiety) I then seen one in my son's room, and it all came flooding back. My kids came and told me they seen 2 "ants" run across the floor to hide under the dresser. So I knew I had to do it. I am pretty sure I overdid it, I put like 5 dots in each drawer, and extra dots everywhere else. I did my son's room (I took all the clothes out of his dresser and I found a bunch of dead ones in his dresser, along with random roach body parts, and poop. I cleaned that out the best I could, and in the process came across a few live ones running straight at me!!)and bathroom on that side of my house, because that's the only places I've seen them. I even did a lot of nighttime searching around the rest of my house and didn't find any. The day I baited I constantly checked all the places I put it, and sure enough I seen a total of 6 die in the middle of the floor in my son's room. But I also seen one adult in my living room, running across the floor. At that moment I went into a serious panic mode. I slowly searched every inch of my house. I seen quite a few tiny ones, that were on the verge of death. I finally ended up going to sleep. I've since expanded my baits to my living room and today into my kitchen (because I seen 2 tiny ones on my counter) At this point I still have the overall concern of getting rid of them of course. And the shame and embarrassment that I have them at all. (Before my diagnosis of a rare rapidly progressive form of multiple sclerosis almost 2 years ago, I was an overly obsessive full on OCD clean freak, and no I can barely keep up with basic daily housework, on top of taking care of 3 small kids. And my husband works overnights, so he sleeps most of the day and isn't much help with cleaning even on his days off. I have gone as far as applying for a home health aid just to keep up with the house, which I backed our of because I was too ashamed to have anyone see my house the way it is) Right now I feel like I am going insane. I am seeing bugs that aren't actually there, crawling on me from the corner of my eyes constantly. I am afraid to even go to the bathroom, or even just leave my chair. But the absolute worst part is the fact that I cannot bring myself to eat, I can't get past all the thoughts of if there could have been one on the plate or silverware. I wash it all repeatedly and I still just can't bring myself to feel safe eating, not even something canned. It has been 6 days since I have eaten, I have been drinking a lot of fluid (Gatorade, so it has some calories) and I desperately want to just do it. I am sure this sounds absolutely insane, it probably is. My family with exception of my grandma is so judgemental of my life circumstances as it is, and if they found out about the roach situation, my kids wouldn't even be able to visit their grandparents. I'm sure the psychological aspect of my situation requires like therapy or something. But I at least need confirmation that it is "safe" to eat, and if there's some special way I should wash my dishes, if my microwave is safe to use, or if they are in their too. I don't really know how bad this infestation is. And I have so many questions, that I can't find any answers for online. And it doesn't help that I can't find anything about actual people, and how to deal with this problem until it is over. Instead I find stuff about being poisoned from eating in a house with roaches, how disgusting the house must be to even have roaches. And even that it is child abuse. So if you have any suggestions, resources, advice, anything that could possibly help me, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm sorry for such a long post, I am just desperately looking for some kind of help, and answers. Thank you

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